Steps and Tips to Strengthen a Relationship

How to Strengthen a Relationship

If you’re in a long-term relationship, the challenge is staying connected, despite all that life throws at you. You have to learn to evolve together because people and, thus, relationships, change.

Key Strategies for Building Stronger Connections

You feel good about your relationship. “We’re very happy together”, you tell people. There are no pressing issues that stand out. You argue from time to time, but nothing out of the ordinary. You don’t worry about the state of your connection... Congratulations! You can sit back and relax. There’s nothing you need to work on when it comes to your relationship. It’s perfect. “It couldn’t be better”. Sorry, but “perfect” relationships don’t exist. When it comes to relationships, there’s always room for improvement.

These tips can help boost your connection and keep the spark alive:

Don’t Stop Dating.

It doesn’t matter if you’ve been together for 20 years. Don’t stop dating. That doesn’t have to mean regularly going out on the town together (although you should go on dates). Continuing to date your partner means continuing to prioritize your relationship and putting in the effort to “woo” your partner every day.

Find a Hobby to Enjoy Together.

When you try something new together, it can boost your bond. Try out different activities to see what you like. Whether it’s a cooking class, pickleball, or traveling somewhere new, find something you can do together on a regular basis.

Create Your Own Rituals

Come up with something that you will do with your partner on a routine basis. It can be something small. In fact, these little things become meaningful ways to connect. Go on evening walks around the block. Go out for coffee every Sunday morning.

Value Nonsexual Touch

Don’t make it just about sex. Nonsexual matters. Hold hands. Put your arm around them. Touch their leg or arm throughout the day. Don’t undermine the power of a long, tight hug.

Insert Humor

The couple that laughs together, stays together. There’s science behind it. Don’t take yourselves too seriously. Sometimes the tense moments can be defused by a little humor. Laughter releases tension and can foster deeper connections. Try leaving your partner a silly drawing. Make a funny face at them from across the room. Play a game like “Two Truths and a Lie” or “Would You Rather” and make the scenarios extra absurd.

Share and Stay Curious

Keep learning about your partner. Ask them questions about the little, mundane everyday things. And ask them about the big stuff. Just keep learning. Show your partner you want to be let into their world. It’s how you attune to your partner and build emotional intimacy.

Don’t be afraid to open up and share your thoughts, ideas, and feelings. Invite your partner into your world.

Practice Honesty

People in strong relationships know how to have hard conversations. For example, you can let your partner know when they did something to upset you. You are comfortable being yourself and calling your partner out when necessary.

Enhance Communication

Ask open-ended questions that get your partner to open up. Instead of “how was your day?”, ask “What was on your mind today?” or “What can I do to support you better?” When your partner’s sharing, be present. Reflect back what you’ve heard. For example, “It sounds like you are frustrated with the meeting with your boss.”

Have State of the Union Meetings

Schedule weekly check-ins to ensure things aren’t getting missed. Although it’s not the only time to talk about your relationship, it is a good time to ask questions like:

• How have you been feeling this week?
• What’s something you're proud of from this week?
• What was a highlight of our time together this week?
• How was our communication this week?
• What are our biggest challenges right now?
• How can we make our connection stronger this week?
• What can I do next week to make you feel more loved?
• How can I better support you this week?

Build Intimacy and Trust

Share your needs and your feelings even when it feels vulnerable. Be emotionally transparent with your partner. Use “I” statements to avoid putting blame on them.

Ensure your partner feels safe to let their guard down with you. Let them know they can tell you anything. You can show this by responding without judgment, defensiveness, or shutting down.

Maintain and Respect Boundaries

Part of being open and honest is sharing your personal boundaries. True intimacy means communicating your boundaries while also respecting those of your partner.

Boundaries promote emotional safety. If your partner trusts that their limits are being respected, they feel secure enough to open up to you. Respecting your partner’s boundaries shows that you value your partner’s comfort levels and individual needs.

Embrace Vulnerability

Vulnerability is shown when we share our feelings. When we’re vulnerable, we’re open about our fears, hopes, and desires.

Example of showing vulnerability:

John has been feeling insecure in his relationship. When his partner asks if he’s okay, instead of saying everything’s fine, he answers honestly.

“I’ve been feeling worried that I’m not good enough for you, or that you’ll get sick of me. I know I might be overthinking it, but my thoughts sometimes go there. This is hard to admit because I don’t want to seem weak or needy.”

Encourage vulnerability from your partner. When your partner shares, show curiosity. Make them feel safe enough to be vulnerable and then validate their feelings by showing empathy and providing support.

Seek Professional Guidance

Therapy is no longer reserved for couples facing a crisis. Nor is couples therapy limited to partners on the brink of divorce. Couples therapy can serve as a preventative measure to keep your relationship from declining. Therapy is an effective way to connect and arrive at a deeper connection. This is especially true for people who aren’t particularly comfortable with vulnerability.

Couples therapy can help you grow a healthier, more satisfying partnership. In particular, couples therapy can help in the following ways:

• Reduce misunderstandings
• Provide tools for healthy communication skills
• Promote collaboration for dealing with conflict
• Align expectations
• Increase understanding and empathy