How to Make a Relationship Last

How to Make a Relationship Last

The commonly known, sobering statistic, “50% of marriages end in divorce,” is outdated, in a good way. The divorce rate has been plummeting. However, for couples over the age of 65, the opposite is true. Your marriage, your relationship, is more than a statistic. How can you keep it going strong?

Understand and Accept Your Partner

See your partner. Appreciate their strengths. Accept their flaws and quirks. Know their story. Understand where they come from and be aware of their future goals so that you can support them.

Remember That No One Is Perfect

No one is perfect, including your partner. Make sure you have reasonable expectations for them. You don’t have to love everything they do. You don't need to agree with everything, but you can still accept it.

Give your partner the ability to be their true and authentic self. Let them express themselves. Allow them to show all of their sides. Demonstrate that they are loved even on their bad days when they are stressed, sad, or irritable.

Know Their Love Language

People express and receive love in different ways: Identify your partner’s love language. Is it words of affirmation, acts of service, gifts, quality time, or physical touch? Tailor your love to this so that they can feel the full force of your love for them.

Learn Their Triggers

Recognize what stresses them out, hurts, or offends them. While you can’t prevent these triggers, you can know when and how to comfort and support them. Similar to understanding their love language, ask what they need during times of conflict, sadness, or stress so that you can alleviate their discomfort.

Don’t Expect Your Partner to be Your Everything

Part of understanding and accepting your partner is understanding that they cannot be your “everything”. It's impossible for one person to meet all of your needs, and you shouldn't expect them to. Ensure you maintain a social life outside of your relationship with your partner.

Do not look to your partner to make you happy. If you’re consistently feeling down, a therapist can help. If you’re in a bad mood, it isn’t your partner’s job to cheer you up. It is no one's responsibility but yours to change your mental state. You’ll need coping strategies, such as journaling, exercise, meditation, or yoga.

Make sure you have your own hobbies and interests so that you don’t rely on your partner for entertainment.

Importance of Healthy Conflict

Conflict is uncomfortable, but ignoring or running from it will only make it worse. When conflict isn’t dealt with directly, it doesn’t magically dissipate with time. Sure, there are bound to be times without conflict. At times, it might even appear as though it worked itself out. But that’s not the reality. Unresolved conflict will always come back to bite you if not appropriately addressed.

Conflict is inevitable. How you work through it is everything. Have productive conflict in your relationship by transforming disagreements into opportunities for deeper understanding, instead of harm. Remind yourself that there are no winners. The goal isn’t to “win” the argument; it’s about resolving and coming out stronger together. Go into a conflict with the intention to understand and solve. Ask yourself: “Would I rather be right, or move forward together as a team?”

Cultivating Relationship Habits

A routine is simply something you do so often that it becomes embedded in your life. Routines are sometimes boring. But there are two types - the type of routine we naturally fall into, which can become negative, “a rut”. However, we can also create our own routine, something enjoyable to do with our partner. This type of routine is known as a ritual. You can make a fun and bonding ritual with your partner, such as evening walks, a Sunday morning café date, or a Friday movie night.

Effective Communication Strategies

How you communicate with your partner is beyond meaningful. Communication goes beyond words. It’s also about listening and conveying empathy. Here are some powerful strategies to help you and your partner stay connected:

Use “I” Statements

Replace “you” with “I” and start your sentences by expressing how you feel. This removes blame and accusations, allowing you to share your feelings.

Practice Active Listening

Go beyond listening. Show you are fully present with your body language. Reflect back what you’ve heard to ensure you’ve got it right. Ask questions and validate their feelings, even if you disagree with them.

Insert Humor

Lighten the mood, when appropriate. Laughter can be a game-changer in stressful or tense situations. Bring up an inside joke or make them laugh with a silly dance or poking fun at yourself.

Remain respectful

When arguments occur, even when heated, never resort to name-calling, sarcasm, or targeting their character. You can take time-outs to calm down and return to the conversation.

Keeping the Connection Exciting

Be Playful and Flirty

Even if you’ve been together for many years, you can still be the person they fell in love with way back when. Remember to flirt and have fun with your partner. Date your spouse, woo your partner. Be spontaneous and turn something mundane into something exciting, even sexy.

Have Shared Experiences

Research has found that sharing experiences brings couples closer together. This could be sharing something entirely new (try a new hobby) or choosing to do something you both already enjoy. Travel is a prime example of how you can create lasting memories with your partner. But you can also achieve this on a smaller scale, such as a road trip or a drive out of town.

Talk About More Than Logistics

You need to discuss the kids, the house, and the bills, but leave room for more. Ask interesting questions like “What’s something you’ve always wanted to do?” Play “Would You Rather?” and “21 Questions”. Share dreams, memories, and fears, all of which will boost your connection.

Sharing Responsibilities

“We’re in this together” is the mindset to hold. Responsibilities – emotional, physical, and logistical should be shared. When both partners feel supported and valued, it fosters mutual respect and lays the foundation for a lasting connection and satisfaction.

Whether it is household chores, parenting, or emotional labor, if one person carries it all, it will likely lead to burnout and resentment. Sharing responsibilities helps to prevent one partner from feeling like a caretaker or roommate, which can kill intimacy.

Importance of Appreciation and Gratitude

Show Gratitude

The opposite of taking someone for granted is showing gratitude and appreciation. Be more mindful of the things your partner, both big and small. Instead of simply saying thank you. Show your partner that you see their effort. Mention the things you appreciate and why.

Perform Small Gestures

You don’t have to surprise your partner with a sparkly gift or a romantic getaway (although that would be nice) to prove your love. Small gestures, especially when done < a href="https://www.thecouplescenter.org/how-to-spice-up-your-marriage/">regularly, can make an even bigger statement. Bring your partner coffee. Leave a cute note for them in their bag. Send a sexy text message in the middle of the day. Whatever you do, it’s about conveying a message that says, “I’m thinking about you”.

Mindful Appreciation

You can and should show appreciation for your partner through thoughtful gifts, compliments, and other gestures. However, expressing appreciation for your partner is also an important internal act. While it’s undoubtedly good to compliment your partner and remind them of the ways you appreciate them, more beneficial is to think about all the ways your partner has invested in you and your relationship. When you fill your mind with these things, you come away with a more positive perspective on your relationship. This will naturally lead to your expressing appreciation for them.