What Are The Effects Of A Lack Of Intimacy In A Relationship?

What Is Intimacy?

Intimacy is the foundation upon which couples bond and build their relationship. In the simplest terms, intimacy is a closeness between two people. 

Intimacy is characterized by a deep connection and shared vulnerability, trust, understanding, and emotional support.

When thinking of intimacy, people often think of sex. However, intimacy is much more than that. There are five different types of intimacy, all of which are important to have in a committed relationship. In addition to physical intimacy, there’s emotional intimacy, intellectual intimacy, spiritual intimacy, and experiential intimacy. 

The Benefits of Intimacy in a Relationship

Increased Sexual Desire

 Research has found that couples who experience more emotional intimacy also experience higher levels of sexual desire and sexual activity. For women, especially, emotional intimacy can lead to more positive sexual experiences and greater sexual satisfaction. For people who identify as demisexual, an emotional connection is a prerequisite to sexual intimacy.

Greater Relationship Satisfaction

Couples with greater intimacy tend to be more satisfied overall with their relationships, according to research. This confirms people’s shared desire for connection. And strong intimacy of one type can also positively impact another.

Better Physical Health

People in intimate relationships tend to have better physical health. One study found that being in a happy, intimate relationship had the same influence on health as diet and exercise. Additionally, the study found that healthy intimate relationships can lower the risk of chronic illness and death.

Improved Mental Health

 Being in a close, intimate relationship can also be beneficial for mental health. Close connections, such as one with a romantic partner, provide strong social support that is critical for mental and emotional well-being. It can also combat feelings of loneliness and help people better manage big stressors and those of everyday life. 

Can a Relationship Survive Without Physical Intimacy?

A relationship can, in fact, survive without intimacy. However, that doesn’t mean their relationship is meaningful, or even remotely satisfying. Whether a relationship can thrive without intimacy is the real question. The answer to that question is based on the intricacies of that particular relationship and whether they’re willing to put in the effort. 

Surviving without Physical Intimacy 

For a non-intimate relationship to work, both partners need to be in agreement. This means that the couple has had discussions about not being sexually active and came to a mutual arrangement that both feel good about.   

In these cases, other forms of intimacy would need to be especially strong. A couple can thrive through emotional connection. 

Sometimes the absence of physical intimacy is because of a temporary situation like childbirth, sickness, or menopause. Talking about realistic expectations and being supportive of one another during that time can boost emotional intimacy, and physical intimacy can return without a hitch.

When the Relationship Can’t Survive

 A lack of physical intimacy is only a problem if one person wants more. A mismatch can cause frustration, resentment, and emotional distance. If there isn’t communication about intimacy, needs remain unmet, which can breed resentment and animosity. Without honest conversation addressing the issue, the emotional connection will inevitably deteriorate. 

What Happens to a Relationship Without Physical Intimacy?

A lack of intimacy in a relationship can result in emotional, psychological, and relational consequences.

• Loneliness 

  Intimacy means connection. Lacking a connection with the person who is supposed to be your closest bond is particularly lonely. Feeling disconnected from your own partner, who is physically present, can cause a painful type of isolation.

• Low Self-Esteem

  A lack of intimacy can make you feel like you’re not worth it to your partner. Without affection, active listening, or genuine emotional connection, it’s as if the most essential parts go unnoticed. Over time, this feeling of being invisible can erode your sense of worth.

• Decline in Emotional Intimacy

  When physical affection fades, whether it’s kissing, hand-holding, cuddling, or sexual intimacy, it can lead to emotional distance. When there isn’t a constant message of “I want you,” partners can start to pull back because they feel less connected and less secure. There begins a cycle where emotional and physical disconnection feed into each other.

• Resentment

  Resentment can build when there’s a lack of intimacy because it leaves one or both people feeling rejected, neglected, or unappreciated. Unmet needs can transform hurt and sadness into bitterness and frustration.  

• Constant Conflict

  Lack of intimacy in a relationship weakens the bond between partners. This then increases the frequency and intensity of conflict. No longer is there a strong connection to cushion arguments. Little annoyances can feel much bigger. Misunderstandings escalate at a faster pace. Empathy becomes rare and far between. 

• Unhealthy Distractions

  When there’s a lack of intimacy in a relationship, it leaves an emotional void. Some people may try to fill that emptiness with unhealthy habits or distractions. The hurt from feeling unwanted or disconnected from their partner could lead someone to seek comfort, validation, or escape elsewhere. They might become overly engaged in their work at unhealthy levels. They might choose to escape through screen time and social media. They may overindulge in alcohol or drugs or any other compulsive behavior. These coping mechanisms may offer temporary relief from loneliness or rejection. However, these attempts to fill the void end up furthering the divide in the relationship.

• Outside Connection

  When there’s a lack of intimacy in a relationship, the deep human need for closeness and validation doesn’t disappear. If they’re not getting it from their partner, they may look elsewhere. They may spend more time with family and friends, seeking connection and attempting to fill their emotional needs with others. They might also end up confiding in someone new or developing an emotional and/or romantic connection with someone. This otherwise innocent search for connection may end up being a breach of trust that further undermines their relationship. 

Can Lack of Intimacy Ruin a Relationship?

A person may have issues with intimacy for a number of reasons, many of which stem from attachment issues in their early years. It could be anxiety or fear that keeps them from getting close to someone in a physical and/or emotional way. 

As Aristotle said, we are “social creatures”. We are meant to form connections with others. Without that connection, we can feel depressed or physically ill, simply because it’s unnatural to be without it. 

In a study published in the Journal of Experimental Social Psychology, researchers suggested that having someone with whom we have a close connection gives us confidence and reduces stress. On the other hand, when there is a lack of connection with other people, it can lead to feelings of isolation and loneliness, causing significant stress. The research also found that a lack of intimacy produces increased cortisol levels, leading to depression and other negative mental health issues.

Therefore, it’s no surprise that a lack of intimacy hurts relationships. Lack of intimacy can kill a marriage. You can think of intimacy as the glue that keeps partners together, feeling like partners instead of two people cohabitating. 

While a lack of intimacy can end a marriage, it’s possible to stop the cycle of disconnect and heal what’s been lost. With honest conversations, mutual effort, supplemented with professional help, couples can rebuild closeness. Even after years of distance, intimacy can be restored if both partners are willing.

Talking to a Sex Therapist

Talking with a sex therapist can be a constructive step if your relationship is struggling with intimacy issues. Sex therapy is usually done with a licensed psychotherapist who also specializes in sexual issues. A sex therapist can help you understand the underlying factors that contribute to feeling comfortable with intimacy. A therapist can provide tools for improving communication around sexual needs and desires. 

A sex therapist will work with you to address stress, trauma, past experiences, body image, or sexual performance anxieties that affect connection. In therapy, you and your partner might participate in exercises aimed at rebuilding closeness, both physical and